maybe i'm just expecting too much, of others and myself. getting frustrated because everyone's just so wishy washy and like no one can perform up to my expectations. maybe i'm just a perfectionist, an idealist. i probably cant expect everyone to do things the same way as me. commitment, responsibility, enthusiasm. i have a feeling that i cant cope with this anymore. its like no one else knows what to do when im away and stuff like that.it gets frustrating because this responsibility doesnt just lie with me. it's supposed to be everyone's effort but why dont i see it at all?maybe im just too tired from this long journey. we have come thus far and i hope our efforts will pay off. is that too much to ask for?
and does anyone know it gets tiring to always be the initiator but everyone's response is like ): i hate people who are wishy washy. it gets on my nerves because why cant they just be abit more decisive and make things much easier!does anyone know that its not easy at all?and its seriously exhausting. pfftt!
rarr and because of you, plans have to be changed to accommodate you when you dont even try to make sure everyone can turn up for the ones you organise. rarr im so irritated. its like they're just so not appreciative at all! i just cant stand this taken-for-granted feeling. maybe im comparing them with my good old friends. it just feels different. like in the past, there was all the genuine concern and bonding.but now, i feel that its just a way to pass time.few similar interests, topics etc. maybe we're friends because we have similar timetable.
crowded but alone.im feeling the apathy now. grrrr.this sucks.or maybe my attitude has changed ever since i came uni. i need more time to myself and i dont feel like socialising that much alr. arghh okayy i feel like a lousy friend because im always not there for others.
but i guess after going through so much, you finally realise who are the ones who will stick through thick and thin. they are the ones who'll be there for you through your roller-coaster ride of emotions. they are the ones who can tolerate your nonsense without bearing grudges. they are the ones who are willing to sacrifice their everything for you. they are the ones who care for you genuinely. they are the ones who make sure your life isnt as screwed up as it seems. they are the guardian angels, they are
my dear family.and this makes me feel even more guilty because i have always taken them for granted, neglecting them and all. thank you for standing by me no matter what.
i have my share of shitty days but you made me smile (:
