there's nothing i can say i guess. just take it as whatever you claim to be. im sick and tired of explaining myself when nobody even listens. you just dont understand how important this is to me. its not something that you can use something else to threaten me 'cos i'll make sure i'll do anything it takes. stop this all. im just so drained. there's nothing i say that can make you understand its significance. you claim to understand, but do you know what i truly want?

accusations and all. there's nothing i can do either. think what you like as long as i know i didnt do anything against my conscience. if you want to have sth against me, there's nothing i can do since there'll be hundred and one reasons that you can come up with. i guess im just really sick of all this politics. its bound to happen anyway so why waste my time on this, avoiding the inevitable.

i just feel like taking a break from my life, its so tiring and taxing that i dont know how long i can hold on to this anymore. there're so many issues and they just keep coming. there's something new everyday. when will all this end? its been a truly difficult time for me all this while. trying to be sensible and all but i just cant seem to get rid of that prejudice.

you just dont understand.

ohwell this has been a really hectic week for me.having to pack lots of things bahh and im not even halfway through yet shit. and liaison stuffs and rarr work. work has been super tiring and taxing that i havent been able to last for long after reaching home. sucks and im always in this auto pilot mode. their exams are coming and i have to rush through alot of things and give them individual talks etc in order to make sure they're working hard for exams. lots of scolding and stuff and ohwell i see at least one of my students crying everyday after getting scolded by me. bahh hate this man.

and its simply ouch when i hear news of it. having to give up sth that ive been pursuing for so long. and i really regret not taking a shot at it. ive condemned myself even before anything else. and watching hh has reminded me of my longtime passion, of what ive been after for so long. it really hurts to give up sth you've worked for so long, sth that has been your passion for so long. i really really regret it but there's nothing i can do now. there's always this side of me saying that i have hope but then the rational part of me would oppose it. i really miss those simple days of being able to pursue your interest. ive kinda given up on all things now i guess. there isnt this drive in me anymore. i just hope im doing the right thing.

ohwell and work this week is like rarr!stupid xxxxxxx and his parents were like driving me crazy!all those stupid excuses like i cant scold other kids cos i'll scare their darling little boy. rarr stupid i dont see how this works at all when their parents are not even complaining about it. okayy i really hope its settled and not like all the previous episodes. and this sucks i feel so grumpy cos ive been scolding them so often when i dont even feel like doing so!and my voice is like arghh going to die soon. bahh!

hahah anyway i have been meeting 2 weirddd ppl that are like seriously annoyinnggg. they are like super rude and ohwell i really dunno what to say about them!
incident 1: was helping out nic leong cos the both of them were only looking after wj (hello like 2 to 1?). then they decided to come and interfere and one of them made nic cry and he ended up doing his work slower than usual. so i helped him cut out the shapes and everything. then the both of them realised that they should help out instead of posing there so one decided to take a pair of scissors. then the weirdness begins. i put down my pair of scissors to write down the grouping of the shapes and ALMOST IMMEDIATELY after i put down the scissors, another one of the pair QUICKLY SNATCHED it away together with the piece of paper i was cutting and PRETENDED she was doing sth. like seriously WOW!so i threw her that irritated/huh/what-on-earth-are-you-doing/dirty look and she was still unrepentant!rarrr qi si wo le!
incident 2: was reading the cover page of newspaper and the one of them walked past and started talking to me.but i was still looking down at the newspaper cos i couldnt be bothered with what she's saying cos its most probably gonna be repeated again for like more than 5 times anyway. SO she decided to read newspaper too and STRANGELY ENOUGH,she took away the one that im reading!!like hello wth!?!?!so again,i threw her the dirty/pissed/highly annoyed/irritated look but rarr another weirdly unrepentant one!
i seriously dont understand how the minds of these ppl work. how can they ever be so insensitive and inconsiderate rarrr!pissed!this has indeed been my super pissed off week!

hahah but ohwell madl really touched me ytd. her first time going home by herself and right before going home, she came and told me she's really very scared. so i decided to go to the bus stop with her and wait for the bus with her as well. and she was almost close to tears. and then she came to me today in her very shy way, saying thankyou to me. simple act but it really touched me. and she said sth that really got me thinking. "if only ppl in this world have their character written on their forehead such that the good ones will have the word good, while the bad guys will bear the word bad on their forehead.that would make things much simpler." at such a tender age and they actually know the hidden evil in the world outside. i realised that ive been living in a very sheltered life. not knowing all these till i stepped into the working world and having to tolerate so much nonsense now. its really a very different childhood they all have now. and i really miss mine...

how i wish there's a second chance. and if possible, a second life too. i want to relive everything again and make all these life-changing decisions all over again.

on a lighter note, hahha thankyou jy for your entertainment!all the AM/DMR/NZ hahhahahah and of course not forgetting vblah hahahahaha!i think its so fun catching up on all these!thankyou for everything you've done and of course for listening to my naggy self. (: and we've managed to settle lots of things this week so yayy and a big pat on our own shoulders!(not theirs okayyy!) hahahhha okayy jy you never fail to make me laugh about all of them HAHA and yayy congrats fangus!im so proud of you! (:

hmmm i dunno why but im getting really grumpy nowadays rarr.anyway i just thought of making a tinkerbell ring haha!the thought of it alone makes me excited wheee! (: but im too nua to get movingg hahaha

meeting on sat.thankyou fang and nicole for helping out in our very wonderful comm!haha i can finally see hope and more enthusiasm (: but its really sad how they are contributing so much more compared to our original members. i really owe it to you guys man!and of course my dear nuaworm hahaha i love you for being so sacrifical unlike xxxx!what kinda reason is that man!i can only see creativity in them,always thinking of excuses to entertain us.ohwell im getting sick of all those rejections so too bad im no longer talking to them politely. just like what joey always says, dont take things for granted. its been way too long and there've been too many chances given to them. since they dont appreciate, fine!their attitude is really horrendous!why are the non-hfers slogging so much harder than you guys?perhaps they joined for friendship but it was a sense of responsibility that carried them through and got things done. im pissed by how you guys are unable to complete things on time yet no one informs me anything beforehand, how you guys think of so many ways to skip meetings, how you guys dont bother about meetings, how you guys simply dont care. its really irritating and i guess it was a bad idea, thinking that we could all do this together just because we survived 4days+3nights together. looks are deceiving, this explains it all.

no matter what, im really thankful for having the new ones, who are equally committed. though you all always laugh at my ideas,i still love you! (: and of course jy!thankyou for being there all the time to hear me grumble/complain/explode etc but most of all, for being my bjzj friend!i love you nuaworm! ((:

and this sucks my shopping impulses burnt a hole in my pocket rarr.bt nvm at least its nice (: and i want a strawbag with red trimmings boooo.cant seem to find it anywhere!haaha but im soo happy cos i found the bottle i was looking for ages ago!wheee!

hahha and yumyumm i have alot of cravings now!durian fiesta yayy and the chocolate bar! ((:

no longer knowing what to expect, i guess the only thing to do is to take things as it comes.

arghh i feel like taking a break from everything. i hate this feeling. having to handle so many more things as you grow older. ignorance is indeed pure bliss. i miss those days when your future simply lies in the hands of my parents. you know that you dont have to worry about the many decisions and you just have to go ahead with it. it seemed so restrained back then but at this point of time, i really miss those days. sick of work, sick of people, sick of all those responsibilities. i really feel like putting everything down and slacking at home with all my dvds. everyday has been a hustle bustle thing that i really miss the peace. it sucks to know that you've tried your best to set things straight but its still like that. i feel so drained now. bahh okayy nvm a few more months and i'll really be taking a break from everything!

we really need to talk 'cos there's no way i can do everything for you. this sucks.

stop bombarding me with all those questions and problems. just give me a break from all these, will you?

arghh okayy i just feel so crappy. not that its anyone's fault though. i guess when things are viewed from different perspectives, there's no clear cut right or wrong answer. so who do we decide to be the wrong party? why cant you just put yourself in his shoes.i guess you'll probably behave in the same way then, or worse.

pride. its a really powerful word.

anyway, hahha my kids are like hahha speechlessly cute. they were doing standing broad jump (hahah fond memories of napfa) and asked me to join them. then i was too lazy to jump and wz came over and pulled my hands, teaching me how to jump hahahhaha!thats quite funny. and ct goes tic-toc-tic-toc when she comes down the stairs heh. and hy who's always trying to bargain with me with that really sweet smile that makes me give in all the time.hahha okayy and i shan't mention those black bahhhhbahhhhs.

durian fiesta with jiayun soon yayy! ((:

hahha havent updated for long!well many happy things this week hee! (: i guess when it hits rock bottom, all else just gets better.anyway well work was like quite fun just that i have some atrocious kids but anyway i was so touched that day. we were waiting for her parents to come then i was about to leave then they were like one of them follow me or sth like that and then my laoahpo came over and cling on to me tightly and i felt so touched when i felt that tug awww so sweet!hahaha so cute unlike my atrocious kids who said i was wasting their time rarr.annoyingg ones.anywayy ohya and viv and yx were so sweet to draw me sth with my name all over and had stickers too!hahha though it wasnt a very nice drawing but still its sweet! (:

ohwell it was a really busy week with dinners meetings and lessons hahaha i feel so proud of myself for passing the basic theory practice yayy!jiayou fanggg!we'll pass it together okayy! (: haha dinner with nic wanyi retards and ramona was nice!hahah just talked about random things heh.when pigs fly at nydc was soo cute!and yayy i love the gelato shop outside lido!the choc truffle was really fantastic omg!it as soo rich in chocolate and had just the right taste, not too bitter not too sweet, yummy! it was simply one of the best choc icecream ever!yumyumm so we went off feeling very happy! (:

look at the nice glowing background!

then work on sat was like hahaha rather busy booo ): stupid rarrr came down and left me with no time to mark all my compositions blehh it sucks so i'll prob have to bring them home?omg i hope not cos i'll seriously die man!stupid i hate you!but lunch made me really happy cos subway has students meal and it comes with 2 cookies yayy so it made up for the horrible day!anywayy went out with lily dear after work!it was much much fun!hahha bead shopping with you is seriously the best dear!and you introduced me to the DCJ which made me think about it whole day long you horrible one!i even had a dream about it hahahaha!and then we snacked ALOT like seriously!the apple crumble at pluck was really gooood!look at those swirls of cookies with cream and the crumbly pie!my gosh it was damn good!
then went to bugis street for the first time in my life and it felt like a world out of singapore!its like hk all over again!hahha but didnt manage to get anything cos my mind was full of DCJ hahahah!and we had the spicy chicken thing and golden fried mushroom!very sinful but really good! (: hahaha and well i wanna go chinatown for beadshopping next time!photos photos!

i thought of karen immediately hahhahaha!

hahah then meeting was like well really great!cos everyone turned up for ONCE omg!i was liek kinda shocked but really pleased with everyone.its good to know that everyone made the effort to turn up at least(though like only half of the whole comm is left when our meeting wasnt over yet) but ohwell at least we managed to work out quite alot of things and it wsa super funny cos we all needed to chong1 shi2 ourselves!hahahha like erm lion dance isnt long2 wu3 cos thats ermm dragon dance?and like the xiaolong thing hahahha!it wsa like ultra funny and the massage thing in circles was damn cool!hahhaha and our confusion over wayang and wayang kulit hahahhaa okayy oops i should seriously read up more!anyway thankyou dy for bringing up that.it really brought me thinking about the whole thing and stuff and i guess you're right but ohwells i feel quite bad cos i havent been delegating well im sorry ): but nvm it'll all get better!hahah just like how we keep getting praises now yayy!and omg budget is FINALLY approved hahahhah i was like AHHHHH when i saw that email hahahah!ultra happy! (: yayy jiayou everyone!

and yayy sunday with family!my cutest niece ever!hahah she's like super interested in all my jewellery and stuff and wanted me to teach her how to make bracelets and earrings super cute!and she was so interested in how i sell them and stuff teeheee! (: love her loads! my cute nephew!

and class dinner last night was simply great!farewell for the army guys hahaha ate at thai express omg it was like horrendous!ordered this Special Thai Express Noodles that said it has Zesty Lime Sauce (sounds so appetizing right!) and it came with like tons of CHILLI PADI omg!i got a shock when i first tried it!booo so my nose was like running while eating it and it totally numbed my taste buds.luckily we went to frolicks and got yogurt there!it was really yumyumm!peach yogurt with blackberries!the blackberries were so goood la!and the cold yogurt soothed my tongue yayy!besides food,it was really a very nice gathering, talking and suaning and camwhoring hahahha!i guess thats what our class ppl do best hahaha!and i dont act natural okayyy boooo!hahah anyway thankyou fang lily feli andrea zx jiawei and jonan for turning up!yayy fun night out! (: ohwell photos with the greatest camwhore lily!hhhahaha!

anyway saw this random message on a pencil case and i was like HAHHAHA when i saw it!

and i was just checking my camera and realised i havent uploaded the sleepover photos from last year!miss you all greatly!lets have another sleepover soon okayy! ((:

im feeling very happy now and everything seems to go well! ((:

リプレイ
歌: Plastic Tree
作詞 & 作曲: 有村竜太朗

最終便の観覧車。
君と僕が夜に浮かんでく。
星空とパノラマの街の
光と光の真ん中らへん。
右手の中にある温もりは、
いつか違う人を照らすでしよう
リズムが早くなりだす鼓動
君の名を叫ぶ心臓です。

約束交わさずに、いつかまた
逢えるなんてどんな魔法だろ？
ごめん、ありがとう、さようなら
言いたくない言葉しか出なそう。
気が遠くなるほどの未来で、
心が重くってうずくまる。
永遠によく似た10分間。
その度、思うんだろう。

廻る、廻る、二人がほら
夜に闇に光探す。
恋しい、愛しい、
想うゆえに胸がひどく苦しい。

真夜中、止まった観覧車。
忘れ物を取りに来たんだよ。
瞬間接着剤の涙。
開いた傷だってくっつけた。
あー、そうでした。俺、こんなでした。
君と会う前、自分嫌いでした。
だから胸のいちばん奥で
君の名を呼ぶんだよ。

廻る、廻る、心がまだ
夜に闇に君を探す。
恋しい、愛しい、
知らない間に消えてしまう光。

確かなものなんていらないや。
涙で悲しみを拭く。
大丈夫。それでも僕だった
何もない右の掌で、
残ってる温もりが騷いだって。

まぶた閉じた。記憶落ちた。
星が瞬く隙に歌う。
100年分の鼓動のせて
響く、声が届く。

巡る、巡る、君を想う。
ひとつ、ひとつ、忘れながら。
廻る、廻る、あの日のまま
二人、夜に浮かぶ。

あ、また同じとこ
戻ってきたら朝だよ。
赤。青。夢。嘘。色ずく空。
帰宅。始発。陽射し。窓。
きらめく世界流れた。
もう手を振らなきゃ。
サヨナラだよ。

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Image and Brush: deviantART
Lyrics from リプレイ by Plastic Tree
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